hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
