If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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