you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
