I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
