just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
