When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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