I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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