I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
