Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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