you have to choose: penises or morals?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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