Will you blow on my dice?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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