She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
