i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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