I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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