nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
