Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
