I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
