They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I understand Curling. That high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
