5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
