Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
