I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had sex on a roof
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
