I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
