whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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