is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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