Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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