NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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