she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
