Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
