Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
