i don't like sucking hair
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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