i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
