we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
