your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
