i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
