it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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