There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
