Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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