I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
