I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
