I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
