im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
NoShamevember. You game?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
