I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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