One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Randomize
