i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
