I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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