How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
