pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
