I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
