They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
