i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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