if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
